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Pretention

• 01.17.10
  Taken When Jonty Cooked Dinner Pretention | (3)

  Jonty's not a good cook. He hardly knows anything about tofu and when he cooks my nut cutlets they always turn out horrid. That's why this is no surprise. [singlepic=44,425,640] He was cooking a steak (yeuch!) last night. Wrong, wrong, wrong. As anybody that cares about the environment and the planet as much as I do would know; meat is murder! If Morrissey taught me anything (apart from how terrible it is for people in the north) he taught me that. The only reasons a man should send an animal to sleep (and it's always a man. They're all rapists too) is because it's ...
• 01.05.10
  Taken When Jonty Was Getting Snowed On Pretention | (0)

  It was so funny today! I remember Jonty saying he was going out to the bin to throw my mango peelings away - for some reason he seems to think the sofa is a precious object - anyway I heard a loud crack and thought nothing of it. [singlepic=43,425,640] Anyway it wasn't until later - I was watching the last of my Sky+ recordings from over Christmas - that I noticed he wasn't around. When I did though and saw him lounging around outside, boy was I giggling. Doesn't he look so daft lying there in the snow! He must have been gone for ...
• 12.27.09
  Taken When Jonty Ruined Christmas Pretention | (0)

  As a special treat I thought I'd let you all know what mine and Jonty's Christmas was like. For a start look at my Christmas tree! That's Jonty and a Midnight Maguffin doll I got from Ikea sitting boozing underneath it. [singlepic=22,425,640] You wouldn't believe the rest of my Christmas though. Obviously I had tonnes of presents, everybody was so very kind to me. Except Jonty he only got me a few bits! Unfortunately Jonty is a bit of an old skinflint when it comes to getting presents and being Christmassy in general. I totalled up all the gifts he got me and it ...
• 12.09.09
  Taken When Jonty Was Avoiding Alien Abduction Pretention | (0)

  Wow, it's been a while since I've updated isn't it? For those of you that were worried, things have calmed down a bit for Jonty, after intervention by David Bowie (I’ll tell you about it all very soon!), Bono's calmed down a bit and more or less stopped threatening him. Which is nice. [singlepic=20,425,640] Of course we still get the occasional phone call late at night. You know what Bono's like, he has a few pints of Guinness and then starts ranting down the phone about wiping out third world debt and having sexual relations with the Corrs. Unfortunately though I think Jonty's been ...
• 10.14.09
  Taken When Jonty Had A Visit From Bono’s Friends Pretention | (0)

  Oh dear. It seems people don't say no to Bono very often. [singlepic=19,425,640] We've been away for a couple of weeks - we've been in hiding after the whole Bono thing blew up - and no sooner were we back when that happened. This photo was taken earlier today and shows Jonty - in jeans and shirt by The Gap - soiling himself at our front door when two of Bono's friends came around to persuade him to go to Africa and ended up smashing his twelve string. Since Jonty told Bono to get bent a couple of weeks ago he's been getting non-stop ...
• 09.21.09
  Taken When Jonty Had A Fight With Bono Pretention | (0)

  I've forgiven Jonty and moved back in with him. [singlepic=18] It was all I could do after he rescued me from the clutches of Max - who I've discovered is a bit of a filth monger. Jonty has explained to me that what I thought to be relaxing coffee - Row Hip Knoll - is in fact a drug. A rather nasty drug that makes people all limp and weak, I can't bring myself to tell you what the papers call it. My spelling is completely wrong too. It's Rohypnol. Anyway today's photo shows Jonty shouting at Bono - on speakerphone - in ...
• 09.17.09
  Taken When Jonty Was Missing Me Terribly Pretention | (0)

  Look at this photo. This is a man in inner turmoil! [singlepic=17] I took it off his friend Iggy's Facebook page. Just look at him, he's distraught! I think he's wearing jeans and a shirt from The Gap. You can tell just by his facial expression that he's really missing me, there's something in his eyes, isn't there? This whole 'I'm having a great time, eating pizza and watching Hancock!' thing is such a cover story, what he really means is 'I'm watching L'Âge d'or, drinking Pernod, eating olives and crying over my lost love.'. It's so tragic. All the while he's wallowing in self ...
• 09.16.09
  Taken When Jonty Watched Me Leave For London Pretention | (0)

  Well, he wasn't expecting that. As I think you can tell. He's wearing a white shirt from Matalan and a black tie, also from Matalan. [singlepic=16] Today I left for London. Jonty's behaviour has just become intolerable. Here are just a few of the things he's done over the past week or so: Gotten blood on my car Put me at risk by tackling a burglar Kept me up all night by drumming (on khat) Ruined a piece of art I was working on And to top it all last night I found him in bed with another woman! He told me some poppycock about him needing ...
• 09.15.09
  Taken When Jonty Didn’t Know I Was Coming Home Pretention | (0)

  Am I surprised? No I am not. [singlepic=15] I left him for one day and he brought a strange women into our home and our bed! That bed should be sacrosanct. I've only ever been in that bed with Jonty. Well, apart from when Maxie's had to comfort me, which is normally only because I've been traumatised by something Jonty's done. I don't know what he thought he was doing with that strumpet and I don't know why he looks so pleased with himself. He said she's a friend, like Maxie. I think he was trying to make a point though I don't ...
• 09.14.09
  Taken When Jonty Ventured Into The Heart Of Darkness Pretention | (0)

  I've just been sent this on my iPhone. [singlepic=14] I don't know what to say. I don't know how he took it and quite frankly I don't care. It came with a rambling message: But theory is one thing, practice is another. Idealism, which has a Utopian quality, is inappropriate in a world where corrupt interests abound and where there are many who go on all fours. The last sentence in the report, an added footnote - exterminate all the brutes - refers us to the dark other side of his identity, "the soul satiated with primitive emotions"; it shows a descent from high ...

• « Previous Entries

recent posts

• Taken When Jonty Cooked Dinner
• Taken When Jonty Was Getting Snowed On
• Taken When Jonty Ruined Christmas
• Taken When Jonty Was Avoiding Alien Abduction
• Taken When Jonty Had A Visit From Bono’s Friends
• Taken When Jonty Had A Fight With Bono
• Taken When Jonty Was Missing Me Terribly