Taken When Jonty Got In The Way Of My Car

As I was reversing out of the drive today, in my Peugeot 206, I accidentally hit Jonty. It wasn’t my fault, the eight-track that Jonty had installed for me (tres retro!) was on and I couldn’t hear his cries over the soothing sounds of Henry Mancini.

As you can see, he seems quite badly injured but as I said to him – after I took this photo and my house keys off him, don’t know what he was doing with them – while he stood there burbling on about ambulances, if he will keep going outside when I have to leave for my Yogacise classes then, at some point, I’m going to hit him.

Especially if I’m wearing my oversize vintage Chanel sunglasses. And it’s not sunny.

It was his fault I was late in the first place anyway! He was the one who put my Hot Mama’s Original Hummus that I was going to have for my dinner, back in the fridge on the wrong shelf! How am I supposed to put up with that sort of thing and not get stressed? Tell me that!

Of course it wasn’t just the Hot Mama’s Original Hummus incident that annoyed me, oh no, because of Jonty’s stupidity I missed the first six minutes of Yogacise! He knows how much I like Yogacise. I think he was probably jealous of me and trying to spoil my fun.

When he comes back from hospital I think I’m really going to have to tell him how I feel. I just can’t put up with his constant selfishness much longer. Do you know he expected me to call the ambulance and wait while it arrived! Selfish, selfish Jonty.

He’s just lucky I’m such a good driver and managed to drive around him to get out of the drive or I’d have been really properly cross with him.

Oh and as if I didn’t have enough stress in my life Max called me earlier, he’s split up with Eleise. Seemingly she’s selfish too, it’s a small world isn’t it?

I suppose I’d better tell you what he’s wearing.

Jonty’s wearing a blood – O RH Positive, how very ordinary – stained t-shirt by George at Asda, jogging bottoms from Slazenger and trainers by Skechers.

speak up

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