Pretention

Taken When Jonty Watched Me Leave For London

Well, he wasn’t expecting that. As I think you can tell. He’s wearing a white shirt from Matalan and a black tie, also from Matalan.

Today I left for London. Jonty’s behaviour has just become intolerable. Here are just a few of the things he’s done over the past week or so:

  • Gotten blood on my car
  • Put me at risk by tackling a burglar
  • Kept me up all night by drumming (on khat)
  • Ruined a piece of art I was working on

And to top it all last night I found him in bed with another woman! He told me some poppycock about him needing a special cuddle to get him off to sleep – he had the audacity to compare it to the sorts of cuddles that Maxie gives me. It’s made me very cross.

How can he think that the true bond of friendship that Maxie and I have – as kindred sensitive, artistic spirits – is anything like him lying in bed with some naked girl, who to the best of my knowledge isn’t even interested in art or fashion or being cool or anything like that?

When Maxie helps me relax after a hard days thinking about things, it’s done in a spiritual, almost cosmic way. Not like Jonty’s filthy rutting with this unartistic jezebel.

It’s becoming hard for me to concentrate on thinking up cool outfits to wear to all my important meetings, so I thought it for the best that I go away for a few days. Although I’ve only got £2,000 in the bank, so I might have to ask daddy for a bit more, I can’t be expected to relax and come up with great artistic ideas if I’m worrying about money the whole time I’m there.

Maxie’s said that I can stay in his flat for as long as I like. He’s even arranged for a few of his new friends – that he met through some new website he’s set up – to come around tonight to cheer me up. I’ve never met them before but he says that they’re all very spiritual like us, so it should be fun.

He even says he’s got my special coffee brewing already. Thoughtful Maxie, I don’t know why Eleise ever left him.

speak up

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